Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Note to Self: Putting a little pressure on this blog

I promise never to discuss my weight in front of my children.  

I hate dysmorphia. And I hate that I feel like I'm using a scapegoat when I say I "sorta" have it. 

I hate standing in front of the mirror, looking at a picture, and worrying about the scale. 

I hate KNOWING that I'm normal, but that not being good enough for me. 
About once a week, I stand in front of a wall and do the Tinkerbell nonsense and justify my measurements to myself. I look at how far apart my hands are, then imagine a girl that size walking by me and I judge myself on how I would judge her. It's the worst thing I could possibly do. It's not healthy for me, nor for the people who are my size. 

I hate hiding the crazy. 

Usually, writing bad things down helps me work on them. 

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